Social Media Etiquette

We’ve prioritized all of the wrong things and forgot about the fundamentals, in that tainting the foundations of our relationships. We live in a broadcasted society, where we all have platforms to vent, present, and inquire new and old information from. Some people over share while others are ghosts – whatever your choice of topic may be, the most common concept is relationships. Think about it, we share hoping someone would like, comment, agree, or differ from our ideas and hope they voice their opinions and provide insight. BUT there is a grey area, with new power come new responsibilities – here are 3 key points to remember for social media etiquacy:

DO NOT Make Public, What You’d Otherwise Keep Private If You Had Someone To Vent To.

Don’t post negative commentary after a heated argument, dispute, or disagreement.  We’ve first got to step back, breathe and reanalyze the situation. What goes on social media is like ink with the power of screen shots, you can delete the post, but that doesn’t take away the possibility that someone screen shot it or that it happened. There’s keeping it real, and then there’s keeping it professional. I hope you know the difference.

We Are NOT Perfect.

We can become our worst critics, or our biggest motivators. We will obviously post good things over bad; we want to share what makes us laugh, what’s made us smile, and what’s worth sharing with the world. Do remember though that WE are in control of what all we post, we are all human, we are NOT perfect. If you like what someone does, reach out. If you admire someone work, compliment them, if you envy someone’s social media life without really knowing the REAL them, take time to do so! We cannot become these oversharing creatures, with little interaction. We post to ignite thought, to share laughs, to spread news, and sometimes to just have someone to vent to.

You HAVE The Choice To Log Off.

People will be people. Again, some will overshare, and others will overstate, but the truth of the matter is that YOU’VE made the choice to keep reading or keep them on your timeline. We will not agree with everyone, nor will we see eye to eye with everyone but is social media really worth stressing over? We’ve numbed our lives through a phone screen or laptop; remember that YOU CAN LOG OFF.

Our society is changing, and growing in every which direction, and we must adapt or get swallowed by its expansion. You don’t need all of those apps, or likes they do not determine worth. Remind those you love that you love them, through a phone call or a letter even. Even with new technology, something tangible is irreplaceable.

 

Sincerely yours,

 

The Chivalrous Economist

What’s THE Secret?

Outlier

out·li·er \-ˌlī(-ə)r\ noun

1: something that is situated away from or classed differently from a main or related body.

2: a statistical observation that is markedly different in value from the others of the sample

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers,” he summarizes the idea of having to invest roughly 10,000 hours of practice to master the art in a given field. Gladwell studied the lives of extremely successful people to find out how they achieved, obtained, and arrived to their success. A majority of these examples focuses on the individual’s success in their careers, but a major element that he highlights is help. He goes on to say both in the book and in a variety of follow up interviews that success could not be done alone. So what if we mirrored Gladwell’s theory to relationships?

What makes successful marriages so successful? What did these couples do so differently? I was recently listening to an Eric Thomas the Hip Hop Preacher podcast and one of his many quotes stood out above the rest that morning. “I don’t want to hang my hat on one area of life and think I’m successful. I’m not on that! I want the triple double.” – referring to his marriage first, his fatherhood, and his career. In conclusion, leading me to find the 4 most common pieces of advices, that get both better with time and with help.

Hold The Tough Conversations – All While Mastering Healthy Communication.

• Some things NEED to be said, but it’s also important to be aware of HOW we say them, as we all process information differently. Understand how your partner better processes constructional criticism, or even ask them to speak before you do.

Work THROUGH It.

• Don’t expect perfection – every single relationship is different, just like the individuals going into it. Work through the differences, the misunderstandings, and the habits that could be easily fixed that one may not like about the other. “Long lasting relationships are created, not found.”

Accept That You CANNOT Do It alone.

• Sounds a lot simpler than it really is. You can’t take on everything alone, that’s selfish, just as much as you think that you’re trying to help your partner, you’re also not helping them feel needed. We all lust for the feeling of feeling needed.

Never STOP Being Friends.

• No one better understands you than the person you’re in a relationship with, all our relationships are so different, from our parents, our cousins, our siblings, our best friends and the people we work with on a regular – yet the person we come home to hears about it ALL! They are your tag team partner, your ride or die, and your down for whatever – they are your best – best friend, don’t ever forget that.

ALL of these key points require both practice, and someone to practice with. It’s going to take time, it is an investment that you essentially both want to  benefit from. There’s going to be your tough days, but that’s all part of the practice invested, taking from that and learning from it. Referring back to an old post, falling in love is easy – growing in love is where the beautiful challenge is at.

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist

Gender Stereotypes All Latinos Are Tired Of Hearing

We’ve heard one too many used in casual conversations, and some even referenced to be humorous. We’ve heard some of these stereotypes to be considered standard when considering who someone chooses to be with. There are century old stereotypes that still exist in today’s society that should probably be done away with.

ONE: Men Are Supposed To Be The Bread Winners – Things have changed, and whether this stereotype has to do with how you grew up, and what you saw there is far more women today in our work force in positions they’ve long deserved. Men who are intimidated by women making more than them should asked themselves why, it is because of ego, or is it because of the lack of effort they feel they’d give to match her work ethic.

TWO: Women Are To Cook, Clean, and Cater To Their Man – No, just no. As mentioned, we live in an era that has long changed since the expected housewife days. Women work as hard as we do, if NOT harder with what all is expected of them. With long days of work, no one wants to come home to more responsibilities. These responsibilities should be shared, if you can’t make your mother’s favorite dish, then who will when you won’t have your mother anymore. Take initiative and try to be cleaner in your everyday habits to make it a lot easier for you both. It is NOT a woman’s job to cater to you, it’s your job as a boyfriend, husband, fiancé or whatever the title to be there for your woman, as you’d expect her to be there for you.

THREE: Men Are NOT Emotional – It’s said to be looked down upon for a man who shows emotion, even the saying a “man’s man” highlights the fact of not being “weak.” Emotional, and emotions are two different things, one simply an escalated from the other – it is okay to not feel unappreciated, it is okay to be hurt, it is okay to speak out on what hurts us, especially to the person who’s there to support us. Men should speak on their emotions; they NEED to speak on their emotions, sometimes just shy away from it, because like anything it can be used against them. Obviously those we know a lot more personally or even friends are quicker to open up, because they trust you, trust is the key work. Men like to feel appreciated, men like to feel needed, and every Superman has his kryptonite.

FOUR: Women Just Want To Get Married – Women have far more plans than to be waiting for the uncertain. Women are educated, women have careers, and women have travel plans that can or cannot include a husband within that. It is a compliment, as it should be – women don’t just want to get married, they want success just as bad as the next person.

We all come from very diverse backgrounds, some of these stereotypes have been embedded in us by the example our parents portrayed to us. Coming from a Latino background, it was said once you know how to cook, you were ready to get married. Today’s modern age Latino is going against all if not most of those stereotypes, some women were focused more on school than they were learning a recipe, some men were too busy helping their mothers to learn how to fix a car, and that is all okay! You can still learn should you choose to, we are to do away with the “machismo” and the “housewife” stereotypes just like we are to get rid of all of the above. The modern age Gentleman, is a compliment to today’s Lady.

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist

Are My Standards And Expectations Too High?

Are you that person who is constantly asked “why is someone as amazing as you still single?” or any variation of that question worded differently? Are you one of those people who just hasn’t found “the right one” that’s worth settling down for? Are you told that you have too high of standards or expectations of who you want to be with? Are you tired of being told the things you already know versus the things you want to hear? Well then, there’s nothing wrong with expecting too much.
It’s a necessity to maintain a standard; you want to essentially be with someone who will challenge you spiritually, mentally, intellectually, and physically. You want to be with someone who will share their Netflix account with you or someone who won’t mess up your recommended section. Realistically speaking, it may become somewhat problematic when you’ve set your standards so high that no one will actually be able to meet them. It is SO easy to find a flaw in someone, and dismiss them completely only because they are NOT perfect. WE are not perfect – reflection: if what you’d ask for in someone be the standard for you, would you meet your own standards? If so, you deserve that. You deserve your effort to be reciprocated, and then challenged.

Spiritually
Expectations:

It is NOT asking for too much for someone you can laugh with and someone who actually comprehends your sense of humor. It is NOT asking too much for someone who can give you more reasons to smile than what you’ve personally already collected on your own.

 

 

 

 

Reality:

It takes times to build comfort levels; we all meet each other’s representatives when we first start “talking.” Create that comfortable platform by actually avoiding the small talk and really asking more important questions like “who’s your favorite author?” – “what’s a quote you live by, and why?” – “who influenced who you’ve become today?”

 

Mentally
Expectations:

It is NOT asking for too much for someone who agrees with your views or thinks SIMILAR to you.

 

 

 

 

Reality:

But do know that agreeing on EVERYTHING can become boring sometimes, be willing to accept someone’s different approach to your problem as insight versus a challenge.

 

Intellectually
Expectations:

It is NOT asking for too much for someone to care about what they are investing their “free time” too. It is NOT asking for too much in asking to see someone’s book collection, or movie collection.

 

Reality:

As mentioned before, do be open to different views. We all come from different backgrounds, experiences, and influences. Though we might be interested in a specific topic, it might be for a completely different reason. Are you dismissing them become of their angle, or because of your lack of knowledge in that approach? Challenge yourself to know more on other topics.

 

Physically
Expectations:

It is NOT asking for too much for someone who cares how they look, nor is it asking for too much for them to make you feel safe.

 

 

 

Reality:

We all have off days, and all own various tee shirts and basketball shorts we go to when we got too many other things to worry about than impressing someone we could care less about. Don’t dismiss someone because of a number they cannot control, like height or weight.

 

 
It is one thing to find someone who’s perfect and another to build something that’s perfect. I was always told that I held very high expectations, in thinking I had done everything in my power to be the best man that I could be, only coming to discover that I was the best man that I could be, so long that it benefited JUST me. I didn’t avoid relationships; I just hadn’t met someone I knew could make me as happy as I’d hope to make them. When I did, I didn’t know it right away, WE didn’t know it right away, we both shied away from even calling it anything, we both held high expectations and standards, and we still do. She raised those, and I hope I raised hers as well. Do know it took time, and it’s all time I’ve spent crafting new ways to continue to raise that standard for her. There’s nothing wrong with having high standards or high expectations, so long as they are both realistic as well as something you’d be willing to do yourself.

Sincerely yours,
The Chivalrous Economist.

Too Busy For Love

Whether it’s school, work, or family – our time is being allocated and focused towards something else far more important to us than a relationship. At least that’s what we’ve convinced ourselves to believe because truth be told NO ONE is really that busy. I am not at all disputing that being busy is a very real occurrence, but it is fairly easy to tailor a list of excuses for why either you or someone else is not looking to get emotionally invested. Know the difference between not having time, and not making time.

I am all too familiar with the excuse, for I used to be an avid user of it. At one point in my life I was juggling three jobs, online courses, and I was one of the primary caretakers for my grandmother – there was literally NO time or at least no one worth making the time for. Even today my schedule is hectic; I am one of those people who hate wasting time, or anyone else’s time for that matter. My biggest tip for you is exercising a realistic schedule. It is SO easy to make excuses for the lack of time, versus being vulnerable and admitting to our fault in time management. It is easier to send an “I’m too busy” text or make plans to reschedule without any real plans of actually following through with it. We’ve all done it, it’s a lot less work to send that text than actually move things around in your day to make time for somebody. I understand being conscious of the value of time, but I also believe in being appreciative of others willing to make an effort to want to be in our lives, and us doing the same. This falls on even more than just intimate relationships; this is with friends, family, and coworkers. Think about it: How can someone be TOO busy to pick up the phone and give you a call for a few minutes (commutes to and from work, lunch break, restroom breaks), dates (they don’t all have to be dinner dates, set up a lunch or brunch over the weekend), the expression “I’m too busy” is saying our time is important but not theirs.

Continually using or being told that someone doesn’t have enough time should conjure the concept that they don’t have time for you, and should be an insult as it is unintended to be. If you REALLY like someone, you’ll make time. It might not be the “ideal” time, it might not be the “perfect” time, but you WILL make time. Behind every excuse will be a real reason or a lack of effort more so. If I’m wrong, please do tell me what keeps you so busy – I want you to literally write out your schedule, and have all 24 hours accounted for. I sleep 6 hours regularly, because I know I can run off of that, and because I devote the time I need to who, and what I need to regularly.

Key Things To Work On:

Time Management – Literally write out your daily schedule and outline of it. You’ll see how much “free” time you might actually have.

Prioritize – Is she/he not as important as some work you could have come early into the office to work on?

Live Life – I’m all too familiar with trying to get where you WANT to be, but I learned to appreciate the race just as much as the trophy.

Build Relationships – Whether it’s someone you can potentially be with, or an amazing friend who you’ll introduce them too, never claim to be too busy to build a foundation of people you can surround yourself with.

There are SO many people who work very hard EVERYDAY because they’re building a career, they’re studying, they are catering to a sick family member, and etc. – but is it because you are really that busy, or because you are choosing to shy away from being emotionally invested again?

It’s good to know that you’re worth making time for, and it’s good to remind people that they’re worth making time for as well. I literally used to see my lady for 30 minutes in the evenings, just to see her before she went to sleep. It’s the time slot I fit, and that she fit, and we MADE IT HAPPEN! Over two years later, we still exercise having dinner together, random lunches, and etc. Know the difference between not having time, and not making time.

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist

Machismo Versus Caballerismo – How A Man Is Defined In The Latino Community

What it is to be man can be defined in just as many ways as the number of people whom you choose to define it. What one man in your life defines the term to be can be challenged by someone else whom you admire in your life. What your father defines the term to be can go against what your uncle preaches to his children. These definitions are ultimately resized, tailored, and cut to fit each individuals understanding and translation of what he/she would define a man to be. In the Latino community there are two terms that truly stand out, Machismo and Caballerismo.

Machismo – The traditional machismo is the stereotypical masculine personification of a Latino man as controlling, “strong”, and confident man, correlated with antisocial behavior, aggressive masculinity and wishful thinking of a coping style. These men tend to have more difficulty expressing emotion, or are “stronger” in character. “Macho” means brave, the machismo man must not show weakness, therefore withdraw emotion from a variety of situations, and be respected in what all he does.

Caballerismo – A positive image of a man as the family provider who respects and cares for his family. It depicts Latino men as chivalrous, nurturing and noble. These men rated higher on the social connectedness scale, saying they felt value in their family relationships and were in touch with their feelings, and the feelings of others. They also displayed more practical ways of solving their problems.

In the Latino community you’re often playing tug-a-war between which one you’re choosing to relate to. Our Father Figures are often expressing the importance of both, far more so when you have sisters. There really isn’t a dividing line – you’ve got to be strong but sensitive, you’ve got to be respected but also give it, you’ve got to be dominant but not all of the time, you’ve got to be nice but not too nice, you’ve got be the decision maker but be open to opinion, you’ve got to be the bread winner but also inspire your woman to exceed of what all she’s capable of doing in the workforce. These are all so out of date, people so afraid to walk the grey area of the in between, you’ve got to be one or the other they force you to believe. Your father figures defining what it is to be a man differs from what our childhood friends defined it to be. I’m here to say it is okay to take the good of them both, how much does a title matter when you’ve got to sacrifice relationships?

To be strong is to admit we all make mistakes, and to be sensitive is to be open enough to admit that.

To be respected it must be earned, and to give it showcases character.

To be dominant is to showcase confidence and not so much “ownership over anyone or anything.

To be nice is to be chivalrous, but have lines and standards that can’t be crossed, don’t get stepped on because of your generosity.

To make decisions is to know you’ve got to deal with the consequences yourself, to accept opinion is to acknowledge the angles you might have missed and know you are supported and cared for.

To be the bread winner does not mean you are the decision maker in a family unit, sometimes providing has to do with far more than financially. Don’t lose yourself in money and power losing value in relationships, and the energy those give us to go through everyday situations.

My father told me he felt more a man the day he was able to admit that my mother ran things. I was once told that a man truly is the head of the household, but the woman in the spine and the neck, and the head really is motionless without it. All I’m saying is that we can’t get lost in trying to “sound or look like a man” to our friends, then be subtle about being a Gentleman. You shouldn’t have to claim either, rather your actions showed showcase both to a certain extent. We are not going home to our boys, we are not sharing a bed with them, so why down play what it really is? So many failed relationships have been caused by the lack of not feeling respected by either party, sad thing is, it usually falls on not respecting ourselves in being okay with not defining ourselves to one sole term. Old school Machismo is just that, old school. Our generations should be the new definitions, and the new examples to those watching us.

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist

The 5 Most Awkward Post Break-Up Moments

Sometimes, things just don’t work out. Some relationships turn into experiences, while others turn into lessons, and some of them are probably just better off pretending they didn’t happen at all. Breakups do happen and hopefully to benefit both of those involved. Yet it can get awkward after, here are some of those awkward moments that at times are unavoidable.

ONE: Running Into Them In Public?

Whether it’s on a night out, on a date, or just grocery shopping – it’s never a normal encounter. You first hope to look like you’re doing better off, then you hope to be looking good, and lastly you wish the same for them, sort of. No matter if it was left on good terms, or bad terms – running into someone you cared for, who was a major part of your life for some time, then completely was subtracted from that equation is never easy.

TWO: When Someone You Haven’t Seen In A While Asks How You All Are Doing?

We are doing GREAT, individually, and separated – probably not as appropriate as you’d like it be. But having to say you all broke up, usually gets followed up by a “what happened?” Neither one of these questions are easy to answer, and can make most feel uncomfortable.

THREE: When An Ex’s “Friend” Hits On You.

It’s already awkward running into some of their friends; it can get a lot more awkward when flirting becomes involved. It leads to ask the questions of “were they always interested?” – and “are these the kind of friends they surround themselves with?” There’s SO MANY other people in the world, I’d say steer away from these situation, AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Don’t try to tell your ex about it either, because since the breakup, anything and everything you say will be used against you. Let that be, and let them handle that, don’t become a part of an equation you’d already stepped out of.

FOUR: When A Mutual Friend Turns Out To Be MORE Than A Friend After You All’s Relationship.

You know, that friend you were always just a bit questionable of – but they knew their limits. ALL of a sudden you all break up, and maybe just some time down the road they become something more than “that’s just my friend.” The fact this person was introduced to you, shook hands with you, welcomed you – and later come to discover they might have just been doing that for show. It’s upsetting knowing these people at one time, were considered friends.

FIVE: When you get that “drunk text” or the “hey, I miss you text”

Nothing is worse than finally moving forward, and getting over the breakup stage, to then receive that call or text – whether it be under the influence or.. well, it is usually under the influence that these messages or calls are made (with some exception of course). Maybe they just want to see you, or clear things up. If the break up has already occurred, most of what needed to be said, has already been said. The break up occurred for a reason, “the talk” or “the conversation” was already held, there’s nothing more left to say. Whoever was responsible for the breakup, or had it been mutual, it still happened, and usually there’s a reason or reasons behind it. Temptation will only lie in the bed you invite it to, don’t entertain the text, or pick up the call – forward it to voicemail, the past usually has nothing new to say.

Any or all of these can create uncomfortable and awkward moments after a break up – It’s not always pretty, and it’s usually unexpected. If we could, I’m sure we’d avoid these moments if we could, but we cannot predict someone else’s actions who you’ve now lost touch with. Breakups are real, and they will happen, I so more often times than not focus more on the actual relationships, than I do on the before and the after’s – for every relationship will take it’s different route.

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist

The FIVE Golden Rules For The Modern Gentleman

Being a true Gentleman isn’t something we take on part time, nor is it something that we partake in when it is beneficial to getting what we want; being a Gentleman should be a part of one’s character. The Gentleman is not dead; it’s been simply redefined, and retailored to fit today’s society. Although various rules still apply, there’s been a variety of changes in language, and its presentation isn’t packaged as it once was. There are ultimately a handful of rules every Gentleman should know, follow, and portray an example of no matter where he is, or who he’s surrounded by.

ONE: Treat Them With Respect

“Them” could be anyone and everyone. It takes a lot more to stay reserved, than it does to react in the moment. Stick up for those you believe in, those you love, and care for in a reasonable manner. There is no reason to escalate a situation should it not be necessary, we are all human, and manners should be ironed and pressed as well. We are examples, and role models, and should be proud to wear those titles and the responsibilities that they come with. We are and should be the examples for our brothers, nephews, and cousins – our sisters too.

TWO: It’s Better To Be Overdressed, Than Underdressed

A man should pride himself in what he’s fitted in, how we’re dressed will speak volumes for us prior to even saying a word. Our eyes will make judgments far before we allow ourselves the opportunity to really get to know someone. There’s nothing wrong with caring how you look, it says that you took your time; it says that you’re proud of who you are, and you ultimately make the clothes, and do not let it make you. Be daring to mix patterns, be proud of knowing the difference in tie knots, and loafers. Be proud to have fun socks, and more button downs than t-shirts. Find a personal tailor, and barber – and be on a first name basis with both. It’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed – not for anyone else, but YOURSELF!

THREE: Do What You Love

Should that be fishing, hunting, writing poetry, reading, gaming, or even all of the above, be proud of that. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are to impress people who you have no ties to. You shouldn’t have to care about people judging what they don’t understand, there’s people out there who care for something just as much as you do, if not more, you just have to look for them. Be proud of what you love, love what you do, and do what you love – then surround yourself with those kind of people. The Gentleman is unafraid to be who he is, even if everyone who he’s CURRENTLY surrounded looks, speaks, and acts differently – we were not all cut from the same clothes, nor should we try to act as if we were.

FOUR: Recognize Your Circle – Your 5 Best Friends – and Let Them Know You Care

It’s so easy to brag about those we surround ourselves with to total strangers, and yet we still at times forget to remind them how amazing they are. These people have listened to us rant, have supported ideas they probably should have stopped us early on, and have stood by our sides at questionable times – they’ve never left, nor plan to. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been in our lives, but these people are usually where most of our text messages, and minutes are consumed by. They should be reminded of that, a simple thank you, a 6 pack, and a “friends” night out of just you all should be in order. I say friends because they can be either a woman or a man. Know your circle, and remember to thank them for their loyalty.

FIVE: Do Things Because It’s The Right Thing To Do

You shouldn’t have to care if someone’s looking to do the right thing, nor should you have to be supervised to do it, the action within itself should be rewarding enough. Still open doors, still pay compliments, still leave notes, still pay it forward, still help the elderly lady with her grocery’s, still make conversation with a total stranger at a bus stop, and still wash your hands after you use the restroom (that last one is a personal pet peeve). What I’m saying is that the true Gentleman isn’t concerned with how society perceives him, but more importantly how he perceives society.

Being a Gentleman is a total package, but I do know there will be off days. We all have those and it’s okay, but do remember that being a Gentleman isn’t a seasonal trend, being a Gentleman is a characteristic just as much as it is a trait. It should be passed on, it should be taught, it should be admired. It will only take on such roles when people choose to highlight it. The human conscious has been forced to focus more often on the negative spectrum of most situations versus the positive one, and it’s all more so on perception. The Gentleman isn’t outdated, it’s simply been tailored by a new age.

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist

Father Figuers

So much of my work embodies my Grandfather’s lessons, and what all he’s taught me, which at times can filter out what all my father’s lessons might have looked like. My father’s main message has always been work ethic, in anything and everything that we do, from personal relationships, to your place of employment, to where and how you get your education.

My father’s favorite song is is Volver Volver by Vicente Fernandez – lyrics say “Este amor apasionado, anda todo alborotado, por volver. Voy camino a la locura y aunque todo me tortura, se querer.” (“this passionate love is disordered, looking to return. I’m on a route to crazy, and though I’m tortured by it all, I know love.” I remember this song being looped, and embedded into my memory. Looking back now, I understand why he loved it so much. No matter what type of relationship, no matter what kind of circumstances one could be in, and no matter where in life you are currently at you’ve got to love what you do, and love who you’re surrounded by which would essentially keep us coming back. My Father has worked for The City in Water Utilities for 28+ years, and never have I ever heard my father complain. I’ve seen my father come home very late; I’ve seen him come home covered from head to boots in dried dirt; and I’ve seen him come home to wake up at 6:30 in the morning and go right back it (even on the weekends). As a youngin’ I was very stubborn and selfish, upset that my father would rarely make any of my extra-curricular activities, but at the same time I was asking for gear in those programs. My father worked, because 40 hours wouldn’t cover for what I was asking. My father has ALWAYS spoken through his actions; he forced me to learn how to change a flat, cut the lawn, general labor around the house, and simple mechanics. He would stress the importance of saving money, why pay someone for what you could do yourself? He made me value the importance of earning what you believed you deserved, he had me work for the expensive shoes I’d want, he’d let me go out to feel the pain in the morning of knowing there was work to be done, and he’d stress the importance of getting an education.

My father always stressed that he’d prefer I work my mind, than work myself to the bone as he has over the years. He wants to be able to still function at a later age with his grandchildren.  These are all things that meant nothing to me growing up, until he recently got hurt and I realized how much would become my responsibility. He himself said that it isn’t, but it hurt to see him hurt, and it stressed me out on what would happen down the road. I’ve depended on my father on so much, and to him, it means a lot because it keeps him relevant. I don’t want my father to just be a life-line; he was so hard on me growing up because he HAD to, my Grandfather had the comfort of not dealing with me on a daily, my father did, and boy was I a knucklehead. I honestly am grateful for my father figure, we don’t agree on everything, nor do I expect to, I love to hear his insight, his experiences, and his failures because it makes him real, but at the end of the day he’s still my siblings and I superhero, and I genuinely feel he isn’t given enough credit.

Fellas, do take notice in every father figure around you, and a simple thank you (and a 6 pack of their favorite beer) would be appreciated every now and then. Though emotions are to be disguised, as men we do still feel, and like to be appreciated for the work we do, and what we try to teach. My father is a huge reason why I received a college education, why I stayed off the streets, and why I’m not locked up or in a casket right now. Education does start at home, and I feel honored to have been ahead of the curve when I actually started school. Thank you to my Father figure, and Happy Birthday Old Man – 58 years young! “Y volver volver, volver a tus brazos otra vez, llegare a donde estes, yo se perder, yo se perder, quiero volver, volver, volver.” – “and return to your arms once again, I’ll arrive to where you’re at, I know how to lose, I want to return, return, return.”  Life has had its ups and downs, and thanks to my father I’ve stayed humble about it, for I remember the days I used to pray for some of the things I have now, and they do come with more work and effort. Recognize a father figure, say thank you, if they’ve directly impacted their life, it’ll make their day.

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist

5 Of The Smallest Arguments All Couples Are Too Familiar With

If you’re in a relationship, have been in a relationship, or will be in a relationship anytime in the future you’ve experienced some of the biggest disputes sparked by the smallest of things. This in fact is inevitable; it’s simply a part of being in a relationship. Some I may speak in a drastic stage and some might seem “not as bad” but they will happen, not all at one time, and not all in the same way as I’ll describe, but I’ll let you analyze your own relationship.

ONE: Indecisive Food Choices

Neither one of you know what you all are in the mood for, suggestions don’t help only because they will get shot down. The usual answer can be anything from “I don’t know, you pick” “it doesn’t matter” or “I’m down for whatever.” Which would then be followed by a suggestion, which is usually then followed by: “Anything else, but that” or “I’m not in the mood for that today.” Which then leads right back to the initial question, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT? This making you all both upset because being hungry can make anyone upset.

THE FIX: Go to the neutral location. If you all have been dating long enough, there’s a spot you all both like, and would never turn down. If you all haven’t defined that location, do it quickly, and head there, ASAP.

TWO: Chores

You said you’d take out the trash, wash the dishes, put the clothes in the dryer, or defrost the chicken. Somehow in the mix of things, you forgot to do part of it, or ALL OF IT. You could have been busy, you might have just forgotten, but whatever the case you didn’t do what you said you would, essentially making you liar. No one likes a liar, no one trusts a liar, and no one should want to be a liar.

THE FIX: Do what you said, leave yourself reminders, schedule it on your phone, and avoid the simple dispute that doesn’t need to happen.

 

THREE: Pet Peeves

This can range from leaving the toilet seat up, to having the volume on an odd number setting. We all have specific pet peeves which he might have voiced, or just kept to ourselves because some of them can be rather odd. Yet this can upset us pretty bad, and can escalate things pretty quickly.

THE FIX: If it’s not been voiced, voice it. It can all come out very strong towards someone who might have not known how much something bothered you. Mention it after a compliment, or pay them a compliment then making the request.

 

FOUR: Dreams

So you had a dream, and they cheated on you. Waking up next to them after that isn’t ideal, them not being there makes it worse as well. So it’s a lose-lose scenario. They either have the audacity to lie next to you after cheating on you in your dream, or they’re probably out cheating!

THE FIX: Tell them, this didn’t happen in reality. As vivid as the dream might have seemed, so have the ones where you can’t move, and the ones you can’t remember. It was JUST a dream, go back to sleep.

 

FIVE: Social Media

Where to start, where to start? This can include and not be limited to: not posting about who you’re dating, following someone he/she doesn’t like, liking someone’s picture, NOT liking someone’s picture, sharing too much, sharing too little, and so on, and so on.

THE FIX: Enjoy the moment you’re living in. In today’s society there’s so much being posted, at times too much. The internet will always be there, so will that crowd of people who are just looking to start something. Don’t lose out on a moment trying to capture it on a phone; don’t be trying to brag about a moment you personally aren’t taking full advantage of. Some people post a lot, some don’t, it’s just who they are.

These disputes will occur, and they’ll happen in a way that you know you could have avoided them. Most of these will end in an apology, and some of these will end with a question, such as “why are we arguing about this?” – It’s a learning process, sometimes it’s good to be ahead of what can be avoided. Open up because though these may seem small, they can still start something big. Avoid them if you can, they’re unnecessary (but will be funny to look back on after you’ve realized it’s happened already).

Sincerely yours,

The Chivalrous Economist.